An Open Letter to my Gall Bladder…

Dear Gall Bladder:

Sup, bro!?  How’s it hangin’?  Now, I know I have gone most of my life without knowing much about you, or your purpose in the proper functioning of this giant, meaty machine – ME!  But I knew there may come a time when our paths would cross.  That time is NOW.  

I recall hearing mom, dad, and a few other community #elders complaining about #stomach #pains – usually after meals.  It wasn’t just cramps either, brought on by a little bit of over-indulging.  Mom would usually tough it out; Dad would lay down for an hour, usually moaning in discomfort.  I first encountered similar symptoms about 5 years ago after eating a deliciously greasy meal.  Since then, I have had about 30 times where a bile-blockage has led to immense pain.  I feel like you, my little sac-like, green friend, have betrayed me.  True, I took you for granted for most of my life.  To be honest, I didn’t even know you were there!!  But you were doing your thing, and I was doing mine; we were both just really busy!  But then mid-life hit, and I started experiencing this weird, radiating pain through my stomach, ribs, and right through to my back.  That was YOU, gallbladder.  I’m not really MAD at you.  I’m just confused as to why you’re not functioning properly.  I know some people REMOVE you from their lives, and throw you away!!  How does that make you feel??  Do you want THIS outcome???  I just want to make this work.  We’re halfway thru the journey, so I need you to be strong still, and keep squirtin’ out that bile stuff for me.  

I try to drink #applecidervinegar when you act up, as it helps the most.  I know this can’t go on forever.  You either have to start behaving, or I’m taking you out.  I’m trying to cooperate, and not eat foods that you don’t agree with, but I’m not perfect.  I’ve already eliminated much of my favorite foods from my diet to make you happy; that’s what you do when you love something – you stop hurting it!  If you don’t lose the attitude, I’ll likely be eating oatmeal and ice cubes for the remainder of this ride.  I love food!!  True, I eat a lot of garbage, and that will change.  But please, stop hurting me!  I will treat you better, and all I ask if you do the same.  I have dealt with a lot of pain in my life, and still functioned fine and even enjoyed life.  But when you freak out, you just waste my days!  Laying on the couch, unable to move…I can’t deal with that s***.  Hek, I even tried #positiveimagery and #affirmations to improve our #relationship.  🙁   

In ending, I want to thank you for all you have done.  I don’t fully understand your role in my life, but I am grateful.  I’d like to keep you for the remainder of this ride, but I’m not afraid to sever my ties with you.  Please forgive me for all of the fatty foods I have bombarded you with over the years, and lack of exercise.  I hope we can make this work.  God bless you gall bladder.  Please be good to me in 2018.  🙂

 

Do numbers actually reveal anything in your LIFE???

Many of us will come across #numbers in our lifetime.  There are many numbers which help dictate our lives, and some say we all have “#lucky numbers” even.  As #numerology says, there is a strong, mystical relationship between numbers and the events which are unfolding in our lives.  I have always felt as though ’13’ was my lucky number.  After having asked the “#Universe” to give me seven lucky numbers, I was shocked when they literally fell into my hands!

So, a couple years ago, I was at the used book store.  I reached for a book and out falls a Super 7 #Lottery #ticket from 1996, which was likely being used as a bookmark.  When I seen the faded numbers, I was floored!!  “03-13-16…”.  These numbers have always been significant to me.  More shocking, I discovered the ticket on March 13, 2016!!!!  The old me would have ignored that as merely #coincidence, but this was too evident!  Someone was trying to tell me SOMETHING!  Nonetheless, I played those numbers many times and didn’t win much.  But it was still very encouraging to know that my pleas were, perhaps, being heard at least.  

 

Everywhere I seemed to look, I would see those three numbers though: “03-13-16”.  Billboards, license plates, and other random writings all seemed to be throwing this combination of numbers at me.  But why??  Very recently, I had a meeting with my awesome Coach, Sheila, via Skype.  She had on a red, Hunger Walk-Run t-shirt on, that read:  “03-13-16”.  I wrote it down immediately without even mentioning it to her!  This was HUGE, and scary!!  I had never mentioned any of this to Sheila before.  But while talking about odd coincidences in life, I had to bring it up.  I had not seen this “03-13-16” combination in a while, and was feeling a bit discouraged.  So seeing this t-shirt bumped me back into 5th gear!!  Sheila has revealed what some of these numbers meant to me, and why they were important. 

I know numbers are all around us; it’s impossible to get away from them!  I do believe we all have certain numbers which are powerful to us, and even guiding us!  Most are so bombarded with numbers today, that we fail to recognize any sort of pattern presented to us.  But I know mine, and I’m determined to figure out what it all means!  

BULLWITS

An OPEN LETTER to GOD…

Dear God: 

Hello!  It’s me.  I feel like I don’t need to explain that further.  I hope I haven’t come at a bad time, as I’m sure you’re quite busy with #Christmas.  I just want to say that I’m thinking of switching #religions, and want to know  what you think about that?  As you know, I’ve been a fairly devoted Catholic for many years.  You also know that I’ve been very spiritually stressed out in my life, and especially as of lately.  Unlike most, I have actually sought you out.  I have even tried reaching out to your Son, Jesus.  I’ve asked many times for favours, or for any of you or your angels up there to say my name.  Don’t move a mountain, just say my name!!  Although I have received some pretty shocking signs of “something,” I still feel like I’m being ignored.  And that doesn’t make me happy.  Like, what is the purpose of prayer, exactly??  What does it DO???   Does prayer just make ME feel better???  You’ve seen me on my knees, emotionally drained, and sometimes hitting myself on the head with that big, 7 pound bible even!  Nothing.  I set out on this spiritual journey around 2013, to see if “PRAYER” actually does anything. I am still really unsure as to whether or not prayer is power, or if it’s just like a placebo; something that just makes US feel better on the inside.  My God, I’ve even told you I wanna’ SEE YOU first, before I go out preaching your word to others!  I know I have #LIFE, and I’m grateful for that.  I just hear so much about God, Miracles, Faith, etc., and I want to hang onto this little bit of spiritual hope I have left.  I feel as though my prayers aren’t getting through to you, and I’m not sure why.  I could write a book on “unanswered prayers,” as I’ve researched it quite a bit.  I just want to know what I’m doing wrong, or displeasing to you, oh Lord.  Maybe I should start sinning MORE?  or hurting more people?  I’ve always felt as though I was too nice in life, almost like a push-over.  I am hopeful for 2018, but it’s got little to do with God, Jesus, Mary or friggin St. Jude, even  (Yeah, still bitter with you, Jude!).  While I may be losing some faith in much of this religion-b.s., I am selfishly declaring that I have more faith in ME than I do in God.  I’m not sure if I should be admitting that….but what else should I say!?  I’m tired of wasting time on prayer, with little results.  You remember all those letter I wrote to you?  Hundreds of letters – not one reply.  I’m tired of making all the effort to pray and get in touch with you and Jesus.  I’m sorry this has to come the day before your Son’s birthday, but that’s just the way the cookie crumbled.  Maybe when you start to appreciate my efforts, I’ll start to see your purpose in my life.  I’m sorry if this sounds harsh.  I know you could take me at any moment, but I’m still allowed my #opinions.  They say #faith is one of the most powerful, yet invisible forces known to mankind.  I do have reasons for doubting God, not only in MY life, but in this crazy world in general!!  I’m tired of spending time on my knees, at your house, putting money (that I don’t have!) in that basket, doing good for my fellow brothers and sisters, etc. and getting shat on in the end.  I have even TOLD YOU that I’m considering venturing south (I wish I meant geographically) for some guidance.  Like, how bad does it need to get before you react?   Matthew 7:7….ask, believe, receive. I’m starting to questions that entire book, God.  

An Unforgettable Christmas Letter….

I think it was about two years ago when I came across this post on Facebook.  I don’t know who posted it originally, but it’s something I will never forget!!  

So many kids, and adults, want to show off their #Christmas #gifts.  Usually, it’s out of joy and excitement!!  But all-too-often, it’s just about rubbin’ it in YO’ face!!!  Whether it’s a toy truck, or a brand new Ford, most usually want to show it off for one reason or another, and there’s nothing really wrong with that, I suppose.

But this post really moved me.  It is such a good idea, about putting only ONE gift from Santa, and the rest from family/friends.  I remember as a kid, wondering why Santa seemed to #favour certain kids more.  I just assumed it was ‘cuz they excelled in school, or had a less extensive naughty list.  I really love this post, because it is something that most would have never even considered!

We live in such a competitive world, where we are constantly measuring our own  happiness by the THINGS we own, and by the lives others are living.  Personally, I used to compare myself to those that seemed to have it better than I did.  But one thing that keeps me humble, is comparing myself to myself only.  I’m not sure who was the creator of this post, but you are awesome, whoever you are!  This is a post that everyone should read!  🙂

The Grinch who Saved Christmas…

It’s beginning to look a lot like #Christmas.  I think we can all agree.  But what is CHRISTMAS really about for you?  It is a religious day for you, or perhaps a day to spend with family.  Or is it merely a time where you simply get to over-indulge, and get spoiled by loved ones? 

The holidays mean different things to different people.   This is especially true with the cultural diversity we see in North America today.  But sadly, I feel like the true essence of Christmas is long dead.  But what I find most scary about that, is that few seem to be bothered by this.  We all know the story about the #Grinch Who stole Christmas.  As a kid, I thought that green furry creature was just horrible.  He never smiled, he took things that weren’t his, and he broke into people’s homes!  But as I’m getting older, I’m starting to see the intent behind his actions.  Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all.   

I remember being so sad as a kid when I came upon my final gift.  It didn’t seem fair.  I was about 12 when I realized how truly greedy I had been in  life, and how so many were utterly selfish on this once Holy #holiday.  I know adults, even, who expect their spouses to spend several hundred dollars on them (“til DEBT do us part”)……for JESUS’ birthday…..figure that one out!  There are many kids who would  slip into a deep, depression if they only got two or three gifts, in fact.  As a kid, I wish my parents would have given me only one tangible, non-edible gift on #holidays.  I was seriously an unappreciative kid, and I regret that.  I remember getting nice sweaters, shoes, or jeans, and thinking:  “Did I do something wrong?  Do y’all not LOVE me?  Did I even put ‘ugly sweater’ on my list??”  I blame part of that attitude on all the brainwashy-commercials, and comparing myself to my peers.  

They say we are taught to be greedy.  I do believe that.  But I also think, at a certain point in life, we choose for ourselves.  We have our own set of morals and principles to guide our decisions, and that’s pretty powerful!!  I also think it’s natural to be a little greedy.  But with “Christmas” (we really should change the name, I think!), it seems that everything seems to centre around the STORE-BOUGHT gifts!!  One year, I really wish that all people would BUY nothing for their loved ones.  Make cards, knit sweaters, bring food, sing, give hugs!! 

When you consider the economic impact of Christmas, it’s frightening to see what this time of year is really about.  I don’t mean to sound like a Grinch, btw.  lol  I do LOVE Christmas!!  I love seeing how most – regardless of their race, gender, or beliefs – are generally more happy, smiley, and prone to doing good deeds for mankind.  I do think BUSINESSMEN love all holidays more than His Holiness, however, but who am I to judge.  I’m not about to start breaking into people’s homes, stripping them of all their gifts.  I just know the longer we bury the true meaning of Christmas, the more it will hurt us in the end.  Always give more than you receive, this holiday season!   God bless all.  🙂

BULLWITS

 

 

“CREATIVE INJUSTICE”

“Put your hands behind your back, son.  You are under arrest for #creative injustice.  Anything you say can and will used against you in a court of Art.”  haha  Imagine if it were legally punishable for one to waste their precious talents??  I wish it were.  The law might not get us, but I’m sure The Almighty might question why we never used what He gave us. 

I like to think of myself as a #talented human.  I may not even know YOU, but I know you, too, have talents that are unique to you!  While I have always considered myself to be a VISUAL person, I have not done much visual art in many, many years.  I have definite PLANS to (oh sh**, here we go….!), but so far much of my creative outlets have come in the form of words.  I love writing, don’t get me wrong! But my forte is drawing.  I love painting, sculpting, and even murals – but they all begin in the form of a penciled sketch on paper.  

Starting today, you can expect to see a lot more VISUAL stuff coming from me.  I have so many scribbled notes of things to draw, so I’m gonna’ get moving!  I do not want to die with a bunch of empty sketchbooks.   😮  As a LEADER, I am starting to take “MASSIVE action” (#TonyRobbins), and I am starting to really see my vision more clearly!  We have been given a gift; we have been given a role in life.  Once you see your power and your purpose, nothing can stop you, but YOU!  

The Morning….Miracle?

Hello world!!!  It’s not 4:36am, and I can’t sleep.  I got up a bit earlier than usual, and the first person to pop into my mind???  Hal Elrod.  @HalElrod is the author of one of the greatest books I have ever read:  The Morning Miracle.  After facing damn near-death, Hal’s life was transformed completely!  In short, this brilliant book states that we are more productive in the early hours of the day….when most of us PREFER to be sleeping.  So, I’ve decided to see.  

I’ve never been much of a morning person, but there is a quietness and calmness that I am really loving!  I feel really peaceful, and I hear nothing now except the gentle wind sneaking in my window screen, and my fingers tickity-tackin’ away here.  I like this; I’m very comfortable!  I know I have made every excuse in the book as to why I can’t find the time to “reach my goals”, but Mr. Elrod explains many of our paradigms, and past beliefs about time.  Hek, we don’t even NEED as much sleep as we think we do!!  Like most, I was told to get 7-10 hours of sleep a night or your brain will rot.  But there were times when, after only 3-4 hours of rest, I felt very calm and could think very clearly.  How could that be possible – gaining clarity with less sleep??  But for a hyper-diaper person like me, I think less sleep….is best, perhaps.  I don’t wear a diaper, and my anxiety has never caused me to have (m)any accidents.  lol

The word that haunts me most from this book is “MEDIOCRE.”  Hal talks much about having this sort of life.  Although I had an idea of what it meant, I did have to Google it for clarification.  The best I could come up with was:  “Average; Ordinary; Of moderate quality.”  Although I’ve never been Mr. Popular, an A-student, or the first student to throw my hand in the air, I’m definitely NOT mediocre!  However, the life I have been living IS, in fact boring and a little mundane.  Frankly, I’m quite sick of it. 

I know my dream killers (you know who you are!) have tried holding me back to protect me, but I’m starting to wonder – WHO are they really protecting.  lol  I wanna’ soar, not simply exist…and I don’t mean that in a cocky or arrogant way.  I feel relieved when I hear that “most don’t reach success until they are 45 years old!”  I think Napoleon Hill even talked about that in “Think & Grow Rich.”  But I don’t want to waste this time I have NOW, with the hopes that Napolean was right!  

I think most people who are barely getting by TELL themselves that they are happy.  You have a spouse, job, car, couple kids….what more could you ever WANT out of life, c’mon!?!?  But sadly, I know many are SO unhappy in life.  Many have settled in life, trying to please others more than digging into your heart (metaphorically speaking) to figure out your passions, and MAKE your pupose!!  Don’t wait to get thrown into the regular flow with the rest of the sheep.  We only have one chance at this physical life (that I know of…?), so why not TRY, at least.  Try to do something that you’ve been telling yourself you cannot do.  If you’re like most, you already know how to lead a mediocre  life:  just follow everyone in life, and do what they say you should do with your precious one life.  Because that’s what most people do anyway, right?  One thing I even have to remind myself is:  “I own this life!  For years, I believed that my PARENTS did….but it’s MINE!  I can do whatever the bloody hek I CHOOSE!”  Wow, I felt a power surge just SAYIN’ that!  I wanna’ say it again:  “I OWN THIS LIFE!”  Wow.  “S’gonna’ be a very pretty day, Jack!” (Speed, 1994).  lol

 

 

Are you a Leader, Follower, or a ROBOT?

Leadership is a valuable skill to  have, indeed.  Anyone who denies this is either a hermit, a sheep, or someone who is seriously STUCK!  But is LEADERSHIP some magical skill we are BORN with, or do we develop it in time?  

In the past, I never liked being a leader.  Quite frankly, I didn’t want the responsibility.  Why would I put myself into a situation in which I was solely responsible for an outcome?  I don’t want to accept accountability for the mistakes of others.  I’m a perfectionist.  I have to worry too much about my own work, let alone care about what others are doing.  At various jobs I have had, I have been approached and even asked to take on a leadership role.  “Nope!  I’m good where I am, thanks!”  I’ve always felt comfortable with what I know now, failing to explore anything more than is required to get by.  My fear with change was not knowing what to expect from that change.  In my static state, I have always felt very comfortable, even though I knew my soul was burning to get out!  But my fears always kept limiting my potential, and thus preventing me from moving anywhere past my definitive roles as either “Produce Clerk”, “Welder”, or “Support Worker.”  I knew each of those jobs had opportunities for advancement, as most good jobs do. 

But I never aimed above what I was comfortable doing.  Why WOULD anyone intentionally put themselves in a position where they are going to feel UNcomfortable???  That just doesn’t make any sense to me!  But I guess this is where I just sit and listen to those silent, intuitive messages from the heart.  I know that to get where I wanna’ get in life, I gotta’ go through a bit of pain, and do some crazy-a** sh*t that’s very UNlike me.  But I can accept that.  I don’t like the results that THIS me is producing, so I’m all for a change!

I’ve said time and time again, I don’t want to be a sheep in life.  I don’t want to be a copycat, or like a mass-produced ROBOT.  I wanna’ be an original, and share my story in a compelling way.  I have known for many years of my potential in life.  Sadly, I never gave myself the change to fully utilize or explore my talents.  I believe God works in mysterious ways.  In fact, God, whoever you are, you have a really sick sense of humour!!  But I know it’s all with good intentions, and part of your divine purpose for me.  I’ve been knocked down many times in life, but that seems to give me hope.  I would love to just sit and soak in my sorrows, as I have been dealt a peculiar hand in life (as we all have).  But I’m alive.  I just checked my pulse – and yes, I AM ALIVE!!  I have struggled with confidence in the past, and I accept responsibility for that.  I’ve bumped into a handful of a**holes in life who partly contributed, but I am ultimately the one who CHOOSES what to believe.  

I never thought of myself as a leader, but I am starting to think….maybe this is my purpose!?  Instead of hiding amongst the crowd and trying to blend in, maybe i’m supposed to be crowd-surfing my way to the damn stage to SPEAK UP!!  🙂  While I have always been most at east sitting on the sidelines, observing and DOING little, I know things must change.  Many people have said it in one way or another:   NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES.  I am not any better than any other human being on earth.  However, I want better for most, and I want people to explore their own greatness and never settle for a “mediocre life”.  We’re only got one shot at this game of life, so DO something AMAZING with it!  – B. 

#themiraclemorning @HalElrod

Wake the damn DEAD…..

For those of you who thought I was dead…you were kinda’ right.  This is my first post in several months, and I deeply apologize to my devoted followers.  Further, I am apologizing to myself.  Many people, like myself, have reasons for why they are not reaching their goals, and “utilizing their full potential.”  I seemed to be hitting a lot of barriers in the past, which I was able to over-come with a little, motivational push! But since recently injuring my physical self in a stupid workplace accident, I have been looking at things a lot differently.

I tripped and fell at work, resulting in a concussion.  It was literally a much-needed whack to the head, perhaps, as it has made me reconsider my future completely.  Realizing I may not be able to do the same PHYSICALLY-DEMANDING work as I have done for most of my life, has got my mental gears turnin’, and my soul just-a-yearnin!

I’m gonna’ die soon.  Hopefully not before 100, but even that will be too soon.  I have not given up my dreams and aspirations in life, but I have not yet COMMITTED to them either.  I am tired of talking, hoping, planning – and want to start bloody DOING!!!  I’ve been blessed to have met some wonderful, motivational people, and even a really great Life Coach (S.M!) who actually cares!!  I’ve spoken with a few coaches who knew their stuff – but I didn’t feel they sincerely cared about my well-being or personal growth.

I have been curious about becoming a Life Coach myself, even.  I know I am compassionate about helping people, and wish to do so in my own creative, weird way.  I know the there are so many unhappy people in life.  I, too, used to be miserable and blamed everyone and everything BUT me, for the results I was getting.  I’m a good person – I don’t deserve this sh*t! But that’s where I was DEAD wrong.

I really do believe I deserve to be in this dilemma.  I got myself here, and it’s up to me to get out of it.  Although I have had to deal with some stuff that was out of my control, I am in charge of my thoughts.  My thoughts, if directed appropriately, will lead to the results I want to see in life.  I know anyone can talk the talk.  I have done a crap-load of talking about what I COULD, WOULD, SHOULD do….but have produced very little.  This can’t go on!  I read a quote before…it goes something like, “The man who can read but chooses not to, is no better than the man who cannot read at all.”  I know I have “so much potential”, but I’m really no different than a homeless person if I’m wasting it all away, waiting for that right moment to start. I’ve learned that there never WILL be that perfect moment, as everytime I face my fears, I find myself stepping back.  Putting your dreams off should never feel like a relief!! If it does, that dream ain’t BIG and POWERFUL enough!

I am approaching 2018 with a mindset like never before!! This is the year that the magic of my purpose will begin to unfold, so help me Moses!!  While I do love being a somebody in life, I’d much rather be a WEIRD, DRIVEN, ALTRUISTIC somebody!!  Thank you for reading.

Blaise Bullwits