This is the first post I have done in months. Sad, I know. I guess I am seeing how, like so many others, I’ve fallen into the b.s. trap of life, excuses, and feeling a bit hopeless. Ok, very hopeless, in fact. But rather than throwin’ in the towel on these dreams of mine, I’ve got a little bit o’ fight left in me. I know with working a “regular” job, there isn’t much time EXCUSE! left to come home and have the energy EXCUSE! and passion EXCUSE! to just…be happy and reach for some stars now! After work (11:30pm), I’m tired EXCUSE! and just want to relax with a food, movie, maybe a beverage, and then get some sleep.
Around 2009, I had such excitement and joy about starting my own line of hand-made greeting cards. The reality was that it was too hard competing EXCUSE! with the Hallmark’s and other big dogs, so I just gave up. I literally threw out all of my binders, and all of the planning I had done towards that dream. I went back to work as a welder, and never pursued anything creative for a few years. About 6 years later, I had another burst of excitement about blogging! Forget the greeting cards – blogging was my thing, it’s what I loved doing even more than the cards! Hesitant to commit to my blog at first, I received much positive encouragement from people, and thought I would give it a shot. I had that initial, 4-6 week burst of excitement (like when you get a new car, spouse, or pet), but then I got hit by the b.s. storm. I am not blaming anyone but myself, as I truly believe that I am the maker of my destiny (for the most part).
Since my last blog post, I have NOT been just working at my other job as a welder. I have still been doing daily planning, peckin’ away at my goals as best as I can, figuring out how I’m going to magically piece together all of my chicken-scratched notes and rough sketches – the blueprints of my destiny. I watch “Personal Development” videos everyday, hoping the answer I’m seeking will just jump out at me! I scribble notes while watching every Tony Robbins video, yet still feel a bit ‘stuck’. I kinda’ feel like even if I got to have lunch with Tony friggin’ Robbins, I’d still be in this pickle.
I met a fellow blogger last year, whom recently contacted me to see how I was doing. It was so refreshing to know that someone cared about my dreams, still, and this gave me hope! It’s probably the only reason I’m writing here right now, actually. But she did, indeed, put me on the spot (and it made me a bit uneasy, to be honest!). When she asked me when I would be blogging again, I said “very soon!” She said, “Good…because I’m very big on ACCOUNTABILITY!” I remember doing a double-gulp in my throat. She was pressuring me…but I needed it!
So here I am…resurfacing with more enthusiasm than before! I am soon going to make a video (something that has proven to be quite difficult for reasons many may not understand). I know I have to overcome my ego in order to reach the success I dream about. I was also inspired to see that my 8 year old daughter (the absolute LOVE OF MY LIFE!!) has a Youtube Channel! My little angel – who always says “I’m too shy, Daddy!” – has videos on Youtube! Now, I will do a separate post about my concerns about her mom letting her have an online presence at this age (like, OMFGWTH!??), but I don’t wanna’ shift my mood right now. lol But my daughter showed me I can just be myself, I don’t have to go rent a nice suit, or worry about my hair, or tone, or the lighting, or the fact that I’m using my old cell phone as my means of connecting to the world. I don’t need a fancy microphone, or be a video editing expert. I know that most of what I need to be successful is already in my head!
I have been a procrastinator for much of my life. For me, it’s always been a comforter, and also a defense mechanism; I can do it later; it’s not life-threatening so it can wait; I’ll just start tomorrow. If it can be put off, it will be (for so many). I never procrastinate a bathroom break when I gotta’ pee; I never procrastinate eating when I’m hungry; I never procrastinate driving when I need to get to point B; I never procrastinate when I need to take a shower; I never procrastinate when I have to pick up my daughter at a set time. So why, oh bloody WHY, do I procrastinate on the things (my dreams!) that are going to make my future and ultimately allow me to feel like I’ve reached my purpose in life?? If I, personally, had to answer this, I would say I do it (or don’t do it!) because of FEAR. I have tried getting my head around this, and am making some progress. It was once said by someone that “Nothing changes if nothing changes.” This hits home with me, as I know I’ve gotta’ start D O I N G things, if I expect change. Another notable quote is from John Lennon. It reads: “Only you can wake you up.” I don’t know what HE meant by it, but it certainly hit home with me.
Special thanks to Viv from My Soul Journey! Thank you for not giving up! 🙂